I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I need moral support for this bender
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
