i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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