Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
