Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Randomize
