Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
