Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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