the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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