My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
