omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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