when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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