you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
