its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you mean i was at the winter classic?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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