its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
