I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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