You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Randomize
