can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
