return my video game
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
