I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
