so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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