dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
