It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
