At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
