I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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