We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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