I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
