I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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