Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
