i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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