You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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