please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
