i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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