we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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