He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
