no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
