you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
