I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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