What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
