So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I need water and some morals
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
