Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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