is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
