i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
