evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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