STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
