hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
