Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
