the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
