Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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