There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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