Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
