New invention idea: vibrating tampons
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
