You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
