420 ftw
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
